My Broken, but Beautiful Journey

The past few years have been the hardest out of my entire life. I have suffered family tragedies, health complications, and tensions in my life with personal struggles.

It has been a long and rough road: my parents losing their best friend in a tragic boating accident; my uncle from defeating cancer only to sign previously a DNR and the hospital giving him too much medicine, slipping into a coma, thus dying; my mother losing two aunts in one week; and just recently, my grandfather passing away just last month from congestive heart failure.

I was diagnosed two years ago with a syndrome that disables me to have children on my own; when the time comes to have a child, I will be required to use extra help and medicine to help my reproductive organs actually work. I was only 18 at the time, and the thought that having a child was taken away from me before it was even an option was devastating.

And in the midst of it all, I went through times where I was slipping into depression and loneliness. It was brutal. I felt alone, broken, and needing something radical to change it.

It was as if a darkness followed me wherever I went. I tried to engage with people even though I didn’t enjoy it. I tried to do activities that I enjoyed to make life seem a little less dampening with everything going on. However, there is only one thing that ever gave me constant hope…

Jesus Christ.

He gave me grace to go through the road I went through

because

I’m

still

standing.

Coming out of the dark time with tragedy everywhere I looked was a slow process; it wasn’t overnight. I had to seek God and only his “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

Doing my devotions was the ONLY amount of hope. It was the only thing I knew to do that would help me. And that was because I knew the promises of God, not because I felt like it. I felt like life was bad, but I knew God was good. So I sought Him and the only fix to my broken road.

Through that long, cycling healing process, God taught me some things.

He spoke to me that He was my only hope. I had to stop looking to friends to make me feel better or aid my happiness. I had to look to God. I asked him to show himself to me. Instead of focusing all my efforts on the things going wrong, I focused on finding more of God, and leaning into him for my breakthrough.

I learned also that once you’ve been broken you can there is a new connection to reaching other broken people. I don’t want to go through trials and not be able to help someone else that is hurting. I want my struggles and experiences to help people.

I have found that such hope is found only through Christ. And that only pure joy comes from diving into God and his presence. 

Ultimately, my circumstances did not change, but rather my perception of God. He isn’t a God somewhere far, not moving in real time. He is a God that is right beside you, seeing you at ALL times.

He saves us from destruction and has plans of hope for our lives, but allows us to go through difficulties to become a better person and to trust Him more fully. Easier said than done, but when you lean into God and searching for him, breakthroughs are sure to come.

Not only that, God is preparing you for greater things. You can do this. 

Now I am the happiest I have ever been. Of course I have days that are terrible, but I know that I have ope in the Lord, trusting that he never gives me more than I can take, and never leaving my side. I am not affected by my circumstances, because I have a Lord that is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Take hope. For the hope we have trusted and joy found in the Lord shall not return void, neither will his promises. I pray that you are encouraged today, and realize that trials are a part of life, but knowing Christ, Earth is the only hell you will know. Heaven will be glorious, and all that time during our life that was rough, will be rewarded with eternal presence of the most high.

You can do this. You were given this life because you can handle it.

As always, be blessed.

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